What exactly does a seo expert do?

SEO experts is what we call ourselves. We, the self-proclaimed half-gods that know how to game Google. But, besides being half-gods an all, what exactly is it we do for a living? What exactly are we doing all day long?

Badass seo expert
ninja. NOT!

I will try to explain in a non-technical way. I know, right off the bat I make an impression that I know and you don’t. Just like a doctor. Or a scientist. Or anyone in a profession that is hard to explain what exactly it is they are doing.

We are not gods. Or rockstars for that matter. Or ninjas.

A SEO expert does not do godly things. Hence, he is not a god. It should be pretty obvious to most people that we are not gods, but I guess so many self-proclaimed goddamnseoexperts believe in their own divinity, that someone had to tell them. So I just did.

Ah yes. The seo rockstar thingie. No, we are not rockstars either. That’s pretty lame if you ask me. Rockstars my ass. Stop calling yourself that. You sound like a five year old boy.

Another weird saying about seo experts is the “I’m a goddamn seo ninja” thingie. No. You are not. That’s just dumb. It’s also an insult to anyone that are into martial arts.

Relaxes as much as he can

We spend a lot of time doing important stuff. Like playing games, chatting with friends. And other seriously important stuff. Goddamn! Stop asking these difficult and unpleasant questions. Just pay me the bloody salary. I know what I am doing. I promise.

Is a lazy bastard

Yup. Definitely and undoubtedly. Lazier than most. I’m in fact so lazy that I didn’t even bother to repeat the key phrase in this sentence. Hahahaha!

A SEO expert likes to brag. Constantly. You will most definitely go and vomit any time now

The bragging factor in the seo industry is bigger than most others I have ever seen. And I have seen many. I have worked with a lot of different stuff in my life. I don’t like most seo experts much for this reason. This is also why I never, ever meet up for any of the conferences they arrange. To brag to each other.

No, I will not make a speech at your conference. Ever.

So what makes you so special Bjorn, you might ask

The short answer to that question is…

wait for it…

wait for it…



We do as little as possible. We brag. And some of us think they are ninjas.

Yeah. That’s about it.

2 thoughts on “What exactly does a seo expert do?”

  1. Haha! Love this description of “goddamnseoexperts”. Are you sure you aren’t a half-god? Puts me in mind of Life Of Brian “He’s not the messiah, he’s a very naughty boy.” lol


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